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Chapter 38: Breakout
When the first day of An An’s new semester began, Ren Zhouyuan got up early in the morning to get ready to drive him to school. When Leonid saw them, he proposed to go with them. Ren Zhouyuan thought for a while and eventually didn’t refuse.
The air seemed to be frozen along the way. Leonid was a person who didn’t talk much to begin with and Ren Zhouyuan didn’t talk at this time either. Even An An was very quiet while he usually talked a lot; he held Ren Zhouyuan’s arm and dared not speak.
After sending An An to kindergarten, Ren Zhouyuan returned to the parking place, pulled the back door twice, and found it was locked. Looking at the one who sat in the driver’s seat, he sighed then opened the door on the passenger side.
After Ren Zhouyuan got in, Leonid started driving. No one had the intention to speak first, even Ren Zhouyuan just stared out the window in a daze. The only sound left in the car was the air conditioner blowing. It should be an embarrassing atmosphere, but unexpectedly it made them feel calm.
After being driven for a while, Ren Zhouyuan found that they were heading home. He turned to look at Leonid, but the other man was still focused on driving with a poker face. Ren Zhouyuan pursed his lips and turned his head back to look out of the window.
The two people did not say a word until returning home. Ren Zhouyuan felt baffled; Leonid was the one who asked to talk but also the one didn’t say anything all the way. Ren Zhouyuan had already been filled with pent-up anger waiting for his explanation. He didn’t expect the situation would be like this.
The silent treatment was inexplicable, this was the first quarrel after they lived together and for a while they didn’t know how to give an out. Ren Zhouyuan took a deep breath, he was going to be overwhelmed by this situation, so he broke the ice and said, “Do you have anything else to say, if not, I’m going back to my room first.”
Once hearing that, Leonid’s poker face became even worse. He grabbed Ren Zhouyuan’s hand and asked, “Are you hiding from me?’’
Ren Zhouyuan was stunned. Avoiding Leonid’s stare unconsciously, he answered, “No.”
Leonid frowned and accused, “You’re refusing to talk with me.”
Ren Zhouyuan recalled the last day they were in Japan. He was filled with pent-up anger when Leonid had returned and didn’t even look at the him. Admittedly, Ren Zhouyuan was really angry and he rarely lost his temper. He thought that Leonid didn’t notice that, but didn’t expect that Leonid had actually been remembering these things for so many days.
But Ren Zhouyuan still said, “No.”
Leonid frowned deeper. He took Ren Zhouyuan to the sofa then sat down, forced Ren Zhouyuan to look at him, and said, “Tell me what do you think of Natasha.”
Ren Zhouyuan eased his arm back, didn’t look at him, and just said blandly, “Nothing.”
Leonid said, “You’re refusing to talk now.”
Leonid was thinking for many days after coming back from Japan. He intuitively thought that he had made the wrong decision in a hurry before and now wanted to solve the matter. He didn’t want to have any problems between them two, but Ren Zhouyuan refused to talk, and his attitude, as Leonid expected, was closing his heart so that Leonid couldn’t take a step closer. Their situation couldn’t be resolved if Ren Zhouyuan still doesn’t say the thoughts in his heart.
Leonid seized Ren Zhouyuan’s arm tightly, as if the other man doesn’t speak then he wouldn’t let him go.
Ren Zhouyuan felt a little guilty at first, but he suddenly felt very angry when Leonid looked at him in such way. It was Leonid who caused their situation when he didn’t handle the relationship with his “EX” properly, so how could Ren Zhouyuan be blamed?
Leonid glared at him; Ren Zhouyuan returned the same glare. He tried to free his hand from the grip, but wasn’t strong enough to. After trying a few times but failing, Ren Zhouyuan’s anger grew deeper and deeper. These pent up emotions he had been enduring for days finally broke out.
He gave up trying, looked directly into Leonid’s eyes and said, “What do I think? What position can I take on your relationship? I’m not someone who belongs to you. Technically, we’re not even friends, just strangers from a one night stand, what do you want me to think?”
Leonid stared at him with wide eyes, his face a little deformed when hearing Ren Zhouyuan say that. “That’s what’s on your mind?” He asked.
Ren Zhouyuan turned away, but Leonid made him face back immediately, forcing him to look at him. “Answer me, that’s what’s on your mind? You’ve always thought we’re just strangers, nothing else?”
The expression on Leonid was a bit awful at that moment, but behind the rage hid an underlying pain. Ren Zhouyuan felt like he could see through Leonid’s feelings, but not at the same time. Facing his questions, Ren Zhouyuan hesitated, but said confusedly, “You haven’t solved these problems once, so don’t bother us. I’m not your man, you don’t have to pretend to mind what I think.”
“Pretending to mind you?” Leonid snorted coldly and countered, “I thought I said we were family a long time ago, so is that your attitude towards your family? If you care a little more about me, you won’t push me out.”
Ren Zhouyuan was very angry, there was a voice inside that told him that it was not true, but he kept arguing, “What so-called “family,” if it’s just three people together then it’s a family? You’re not like me, obviously, but pretend you care about me. Even if I can do it, can you ask yourself whether you can do that too?” He sneered sarcastically, ” Your fiancée and you both have feelings for each other, but what about us? You don’t like me at all, you don’t have to look responsible for us, we can live well without you, so you don’t have to force yourself to stay with us!”
“Force myself?” Leonid’s voice trembled with rage, “So you think I don’t have any feelings about you, and that we have a family just because of An An?”
Ren Zhouyuan’s heart paused, what Leonid said made him hesitant for a moment. He knew the answer was not the same as his guess, but there were so many thoughts in his heart that he couldn’t go through them immediately because of the things Leonid said.
Ren Zhouyuan didn’t speak, just looked back at Leonid in answer as the two stood there silently.
After a long time, Leonid loosened his hold on Ren Zhouyuan’s hand, which he had seized earlier.
At that moment Ren Zhouyuan’s heart didn’t know what to feel; it felt panic and depression, and he wanted to seize back subconsciously, but he forced himself not to. After all, he was the one that said he was humble and small, that they weren’t even “friends.” What’s more, he didn’t even know if Leonid liked men. Such a family built randomly, perhaps Ren Zhouyuan was the only one enjoying it from beginning to end.
He felt powerless and exhausted at that moment. This period of time was like a happy dream, but now that he woke up from that dream, he should go back to where he came from and not covet things that don’t belong to him, or he would hurt himself eventually.
Ren Zhouyuan’s hand fell to his side. Blinking, he suddenly said, “Thank you for your care during this period of time. Although it was short, thank you for helping me live a nice dream.”
Leonid turned abruptly, with a little danger in his tone, “What do you mean? You want to leave?”
Ren Zhouyuan felt powerless. “What’s the point of continuing to entangle like this? As for you, I’m also just a stranger. If it was An An that made us get together, we could maybe live this kind of life now, but what if he grows up in the future?”
He looked at Leonid, “Maybe you care about family, but a family can not be maintained by just responsibility. You have a person you like, you should have a happy life, but because of us you’ll lose it, so why continue? Are you sure you can live a life facing a person you don’t have any feelings for everyday?
“No feelings?” Leonid sneered, as if hearing a big joke.
With a sudden a whirl of motion, when Ren Zhouyuan finally reacted, he was already pressed down on the sofa. Leonid placed his hands on both sides of Ren Zhouyuan’s head, and staring at him from above, said, “You think if I don’t have feelings I will do such a thing with a stranger?”
Ren Zhouyuan was frightened by this unexpected action. His heartbeat accelerated suddenly and he blinked, not knowing how to react.
Leonid lowered himself him inch by inch. He bowed his head, his lips almost against Ren Zhouyuan’s, and asked, “If I didn’t feel for you, how could you give birth to An An?”
His voice was low and powerful, hitting Ren Zhouyuan’s eardrums one by one as their bodies got closer and closer.
Somewhere on Leonid’s body, there was an obvious raise that made Ren Zhouyuan blush with surprise. He subconsciously put his hands against Leonid’s chest and tried to push him away, but usually he wasn’t as strong as Leonid, let alone now.
Leonid’s lips moved closer to Ren Zhouyuan’s lips before he said the last sentence intimately, “Then I will let you feel again whether I have feelings or not.”
After saying that, the lips of the two completely sealed together, swallowing the voice of Ren Zhouyuan’s last protests in his mouth.