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Chapter 151 Tea Party 2
“Hm? Did Tanya make this?”
“Can’t believe you can tell from just the taste.”
He smiled shyly.
“I guess. Anyways, why did you call me?”
“I have a report. Not strictly a report, but something I need to tell you.”
I finished the tea and put my cup down. When I looked back to Dida, he was sitting on the edge of his seat.
“You don’t need to be so stiff.”
“Well, you’re the one who is making that expression.”
I laughed at Dida pointing out my flaws.
According to what he said, I seemed to have tightened my expression out of habit.
“Sorry. What I was going to tell you that Dawson has left the knights’ order.”
Dida seemed to have encountered Dawson quite a few times when he was with my grandfather. During the Boltique event, he was also caught alongside him.
Dida reacted much more calmly than I imagined he would.
It was almost as if Dawson’s actions were obvious.
“You’re calmer than I thought you’d be. Did you…already know?”
“No, I didn’t. But I couldn’t help but have a hunch about it.”
“Before leaving home, he asked me: ‘What, really, is a so-called knight?’”
“He, the knight, asked you, who wasn’t a knight at all?”
“He said ‘You and Ryle fit my mental description of a knight better than I do’. So I didn’t really understand what he was saying and answered that I had no idea about that kind of thing.”
“He said that by focusing on reputation and pride, he ended up departing from the poise that a knight should possess.”
“How did you respond to that?”
“What even is the poise that a knight should possess? That’s what I asked. Because no matter how hard he worked, you can only become yourself. I think a better question is ‘To achieve my goal, what should I do, what should I work hard at?’ From him, I couldn’t feel that he was trying to do anything for himself, or that he was trying to become a strong version of himself. In fact, the feeling I got from him was that he was pursuing idealism without even understanding his own position. That’s why he was so obsessed with the title of a knight, and proud of his own class. But that’s what most children of nobility are like anyways.”
“Harsh. Did you tell him all of that?”
“Basically. After that, he said ‘After coming here, I’ve thought about all sorts of things. I have committed grave sins. Since I can’t go back in time, then my sins will extend into the future indefinitely. If it were just myself then I wouldn’t care as much, but I’ve tainted even the idea of knighthood itself. That’s why I need to atone for it. When I’ve finally finished doing that, I’ll recall my own hopes, the kind of poise that I hoped for, and set out to find it again.’”
“Oh…well, that sounds great.”
“Milady, you’re quite calm in the face of all this. I think that for him, it was quite the major decision.”
“It’s because I don’t really care about that.”
“That’s what I think of myself too. But that’s the only way I can express it. Hearing that he expressed his ideals…so what? As long as he doesn’t do anything to me or this territory, I don’t care what he does. Because, to tell you the truth, I think that everything in the past shouldn’t matter anymore.”
“So you’ve forgiven him?”
“…I can’t pretend that everything back then didn’t happen. I’ve changed because of all that as well, in both positive and negative senses. But that’s in the past too. Rather than let myself be limited by that, I have more important things to do.”
In each busy day, all that seemed like an infinitely distant past. It almost seemed as if it had happened to someone else.
Compared to feeling restricted by something like that, something much more important waited for me in the future.
…But the whole incident still left a deep mark in my heart.
Although I had already healed, there still remained a wound, some kind of psychological trauma.