Chapter 48 Just Right
Seeing that Ren Zhouyuan had no other issues, Leonid explained his apology from beginning to end.
“First I have to admit, that night I said I hoped to participate in the second child’s childhood.” He said seriously, looking straight into Ren Zhouyuan’s eyes. “But I must admit that I had my own selfish reason for this.”
Ren Zhouyuan’s expression shifted.
“I wanted to use a child to trap you by my side, forcing you to never leave me again. I was jealous you had other close friends. I wasn’t your one and only.”
He spoke slowly, one word after another. It shook Ren Zhouyuan to his core.
He never imagined that this was Leonid’s secret. Someone so proud as him would admit his jealousy. And the person he was jealous of was Fan Wenfeng?
In that moment somehow he recalled An An had a similar gesture. He suspected Fan Wenfeng was nice to him because he liked him, so he was jealous and grumpy. Now there was a big An An who thought exactly the same.
Even in his exasperation, it was a little funny. An An was young and loved to play cute, plus he had the ability to properly express his jealousy. But the man before him could only use dominating methods to show that he cared. That thought had arisen when he walked into this room. The only difference was that he didn’t take action on these thoughts.
Suddenly Ren Zhouyuan felt relieved. Just as he guessed, this man was like him. They lacked confidence because of love.
Leonid asked, “You asked me that without An An would we still be together? Although I denied that at the time, I can’t deny it any longer.”
Ren Zhouyuan was shocked.
Seeing the sudden change in his face, Leonid reached out and took his hand. “We can’t change the past. I met you, and that’s the truth. Because of that encounter we had An An, that’s the truth. You asked me this question. I once imagined that if I didn’t encounter you I would meet somebody else new with whom I could build a new family and be just as happy, perhaps happier.”
“But,” He raised a hand, rubbing Ren Zhouyuan’s lightly furrowed brow, “If I had to pick again, I would still choose you.”
Under Leonid’s focused gaze, Ren Zhouyuan’s tense emotions calmed down.
His lack of confidence made him overthink, always guessing at “what if” scenarios. But just like Leonid pointed out, these scenarios wouldn’t happen and would not affect their current life.
If he were still his past self, he would probably start to think about the fact that if they hadn’t met, if Leonid loved someone else, if they didn’t have An An, whether or not they would be together.
But in this world, that possibility was not real. They met each other, and everything else happened accordingly.
Leonid cleared his throat, using his awkward Chinese to say the rest, “I met you, we had An An. We have the same yearning for ‘family’ and hope to build a happy family. Everything about you is ‘just right’ for me.”
“It’s ‘just right’ that you knew Russian and met me when helping your classmate, ‘just right’ that you’re the one Vichy was looking for, and we met again, ‘just right’ that you had An An, and ‘just right’ that we both desperately wanted to build a family. ‘Just right’ that when I needed you, you appeared.”
“Everything was just right. Even if An An was what brought us together, that was part of fate. From the beginning to end, there were no ‘ifs’.”
Ren Zhouyuan listened quietly to his words, his heart trembling.
Although the words were awkward spoken in his second language, they were more moving. The accented words were just like the man in front of him: clumsy but incredibly charming.
What Leonid said unraveled the knot in Ren Zhouyuan’s heart. No matter their background, growth, or future, the moment they were together here was “just right” in fate’s eyes.
The two of them looked each other in the eye. In that instant, the air felt frozen, like there was nothing else in their vision except for each other.
After a long time, Ren Zhouyuan’s hands moved, pulling back from Leonid’s and moving up to cover his face, using his thumb to brush past his lower lip.
Eyes glued to his lips, he said, “I envied your past that I wasn’t part of, envied the fact that you had a fiance.” He paused and kept saying, “I envied that you once had someone else you liked, and about the ‘female companion’ I overheard in the office that day.”
Seeing that Leonid wanted to explain, Ren Zhouyuan pressed a finger to his lips, gesturing for him to keep listening. “I like to think a lot. I’m not confident, so I enjoy doubting. So many years, I’ve grown used to holding everything in, so it will be a lot of work to be with me.”
Leonid tightly grasped his hand as he said, “When I was pregnant with An An, I thought about dying.”
Leonid was shocked at how calmly he said it. His heart clenched tightly as his body slanted forward, embracing Ren Zhouyuan into his arms. He kept hugging him more tightly like he was afraid if he let go, the person before him would disappear.
Being embraced this way, Ren Zhouyuan chuckled lightly, his hands moving to Leonid’s waist and tapping it lightheartedly. “I don’t have that impulse any longer,” he said casually, “At the time I felt like I was a freak. What did it mean that a man like he could do this? I didn’t know if I was a man or woman. When I realized I was pregnant with An An, my stomach was already large. Back then I didn’t dare leave home. Until the birth date, I stayed home basically all the time. It wasn’t until my stomach was startlingly big that I thought about reaching out to old friends to help me take a look at this.”
“Back then I had serious depression. When I saw a pair of scissors I wanted to stab them into my stomach. I laid in bed fantasizing about rolling off and seeing what would happen. I couldn’t look at images of any families of three. When I saw them, I would think of you.”
Leonid’s body trembled. He buried his head into Ren Zhouyuan’s shoulder, taking a deep breath.
“I was thinking, if I didn’t meet you I might still be a college student with a bright future. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant with An An, I would just remember that as a ridiculous night, and it would all fade into the past as an occasional memory of my crazy youth. If I were like those people and had a happy family…would I be happier without you?”
He raised his head from Leonid’s arms, seeing his serious expression and kissing him between the brows lightly. “But when I gave birth to An An and took him in my arms, all of these concerns were thrown aside. All I wanted to say at that time was thank you.”
Each line he said he kissed Leonid’s face. “Thank you for making my dream come true, thank you for giving me a family.” From forehead to nose then to cheeks. “Thank you for pursuing me in such an adorable way.” The final kiss was planted on his lips. “Thank you for falling in love with me again.”
The two embraced and kissed, going from a gentle start to passionate deep kisses, as if confirming each other’s existence through these suffocating kisses relentlessly.
Their foreheads together, they breathed into each other’s lips, the breath tangling together until they could no longer differentiate between one another.
Ren Zhouyuan wasn’t saying this to make Leonid ashamed. He had been holding these words in for years. Only now with the courage Leonid had granted him could he state this out in hopes of forgetting his past suffering and no longer blaming everything around him, so he could finally begin a happy life.
Leonid left a few small kisses on Ren Zhouyuan’s face. He thought about it and said, “I’m so sorry about this incident. In the future, as long as you don’t want it, we will only have An An.” He leaned over to kiss him on the lips again. “I’m sad to miss our son’s growth, but I’m happier than I didn’t miss out on you.”
“The child is the manifestation of our love, but without you the love wouldn’t exist in the first place.” He stroked Ren Zhouyuan’s bangs, saying sincerely as if he were uttering a prayer, “I love you.”
Tears shimmered in Ren Zhouyuan’s eyes. As if disguising this, he kissed Leonid’s face once again.
The two kissed each other passionately, their distant hearts growing closer again.
He was pushed over by Leonid into the couch, their hands running over each other and igniting further passion, as if they could only experience each other through their bodies pressed together.
Heavy breathing started in the room, everything just right. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and a woman calling out Leonid’s name.
The two of them, immersed in lust, paused for a minute. Just when Ren Zhouyuan frowned and wanted to ask who it was, Leonid cried out–
“Oh no! I forgot my parents are still waiting.” He patted down Ren Zhouyuan’s disorganized clothes, pulling him up to his feet. “Let’s go, I’ll take you to meet my family.”
Ren Zhouyuan’s current expression: =口=