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Chapter 70 – Hey, Oda!
(Hagiwara Mai’s Point of View)
“Hey, Oda!” I shouted while grabbing Oda by the collar. The first thing I did as soon as I got home, was to log-in and find him in-game.
A weird sound came out of his mouth as I pushed him against a wall, but I ignored it and said, “Spit it out!”
“W-what the hell are you doing!? And why the real name online…?” I’m threatening you with your IRL information, dumbass.
“Miss Ichijouji! Just how were you able to grow close to Rena!?” I pressured him.
“Your tone of voice is totally wrong for someone asking a question… I guess that doesn’t matter much though.” It doesn’t matter!? I wanna hear you say it doesn’t matter after I choke you to death over and over again! You useless sludge!
“If you don’t hurry up and spit it out, I’m not ever letting you read my doujinshi manuscripts again!” I threatened him.
“Th-that is…” And after that, he started spitting out the details.
“Hey, Oda!” I shouted as I punched his stomach.
“Why again…?” He grumbled. This is absurd! Why did miss Ichijouji allow him to accompany her!? And she even protected him along the way, this is unacceptable!
“So…?” I asked him.
“So what?” He asked back.
“What was it like to accompany miss Ichijouji on an adventure!?” I shouted while punching him again.
“So unreasonable…” He grumbled while bending over in pain. This guy is ridiculous! How is he getting along with the mysterious beautiful girl of his class through a game? Is this a light novel’s plot!? Can I apply for the yuri route then!? “Unexpectedly, she is actually pretty defenseless and often moves close to my face…”
“A-a-a-aaah…?” Was all I could say as a reply… His face? She got close to his face? Miss Ichijouji’s beautiful face getting closer to his? I’m having a stroke, I’m gonna puke, I’m gonna kill this guy… And even though he keeps making pitiful sounds as I punch him, he still seems to be all smug about it! Absurd!
“… And in the last event, she whispered directly to my ear while wrapping her arm around my neck.” He continued… Death! Death to the heretic! “T-too tight! I’ll respawn!” I also want her to whisper at my ear. I’m sure I’ll even get pregnant if she does so, because she’s miss Ichijouji- “And that was her first time with a friend.” He said with a big smug.
… What? Miss Ichijouji’s first time…? “Hey, Oda…!”
He kept making weird sounds as I punched him, but he was also laughing at the same time! He is so absolutely immersed in his sense of superiority… This. Cursed. Worm!!!
“Since this is my first time, please show me all sorts of things.” He said while making a pathetic imitation of her voice…
“It’s all right to continue.”
“You’ll hurt my feelings if you continue without saying anything.”
“I’ll be gentle.”
“… Ah?” She’ll… Be… Gentle? “What’s up with that!? Since when Miss Ichijouji is gentle with her targets!?”
“Y-you crazy girl!” Crazy!? You’re the crazy one! Miss Ichijouji is not kind! You’ll be in big trouble if you try spreading those nonsensical lies! “She can be kind to those she care about! She may be the Genocider, but for her this is just playing around…”
“Huh? She doesn’t care that much for the game?” I asked.
“Would that make you agree she’s kind?” He asked back.
“Mmmmm… The interpretation of events from the perspective of Side Character B is fundamentally irrelevant.”
“You little…” Iiiiyaaaa, I’m starting to understand her more and more. I’m graduating from just being a stalker to now becoming her guardian! I’m still new at this job, but I’ll do my best, please look out for me, Miss Ichijouji!
“Me and her must be of the same mind after all…” I said to myself.
“… You’re absolutely nuts, you know that?” Miss Ichijouji can’t be kind. She isn’t interested in her surroundings, she doesn’t pay attention to them. She can’t be kind, this guy is absolutely bonkers. “You can say that she isn’t kind, but…” I can’t hear worms’ grumbles… “She definitely is! She has shown me her true nature, okay!? Rena is definitely a nice person, believe me! Believe!”
“By the way, when you first met miss Ichijouji, she already had a party, didn’t she?” He seemed confused at my statement. “That might have been her first time with a friend, but it wasn’t her first time at all, was it?”
“Wh-what!?” He exclaimed. But it’s true! She definitely made a party to get the first capture of a dungeon before… Hahaha, poor Oda, I wonder if that was his first time partying with someone. “B-b-but at least I am her friend, what about you!?”
I started giggling, “Foolish Oda, a complete fool is what you are!” He was flabbergasted, “As a classmate of the same gender, it is a trivial task to ask her to accept my friend request!”
“Y-you little…” He tried to complain, but I was not going to stop.
“You will never be able to do it as you belong to a different gender! Furthermore, with my insight as a long-time guardian of Miss Ichijouji, there is no way I’ll be unable to get along with her!” I exclaimed.
“… Now you’re just talking about your stalking tendencies-“ I punched his stomach.
“You really say way too much, Oda.” I’m sure miss Ichijouji attacked him at the event for this same reason. “You’re a pretty pathetic fellow, aren’t you?”
“… Can’t you not call me pathetic?” Huh? The worm dares to disagree?
“So you’re talking back? I guess I might just ask one of your friends to look at my doujinshi for this winter’s event then.” I told him.
“I’m sorry, please forgive me.” It’s good to see him quickly remembering his place!
“Alright, then I’ll be counting on you the next time you come visit.”
“… Is it the deadline again?”
“I’m on schedule this time around, but I want to get closer to miss Ichijouji, so I might not be able to dedicate as much time to the doujinshi.” It’s hard to do it, but I’ll put my utmost in getting along with miss Ichijouji! And for that I need as much time as possible!
“Well… I guess that’s alright.” He conceded.
“Now that’s the spirit! Since you’re being this behaved, I’ll let you read my manuscript first.” That’s the good part of having otaku friends, they can come to my aid when push comes to shove.
“And since I’m helping you, I’ll be forgiven for getting ahead of you in the race, right?” The worm spoke.
“… Is that what you want to be done to Pe〇’s cheeks?”
“Please ignore my words.” It’s a good thing that he knows his place. Conflict is not something to be sought, the power of dialogue is the wisdom that humans acquired throughout the ages and let us skip ahead of other animals. “Well, then, I guess I will-“
“Oh, Yuu, you’re here?” Miss Ichijouji suddenly appeared and spoke.
“woiqutgw iwiougweiocfweg iwuiwqotwiufh!” My mind froze.
“… What was that?” She asked.
“Don’t worry, that’s just otaku lingo.” Oda answered… I nearly got a heart attack just now, to think that her of all people would suddenly show up… “Ah, by the way, Rena, this person here is…”
“Wait right there, Oda!” I’m sorry for grabbing you by the collar before, we’re close friends, right?
“… Your stalker.” He finished.
“Hey, Oda!” You dare expose me!? I’ll sink you in Tokyo Bay! No wait, before that, “I’m not a stalker, alright!? I’m her guardian! Her guardian I tell you!” I exclaimed as I punched his stomach.
“… I see.” Unbeknownst to us, miss Ichijouji was looking at our exchange with an extremely cold gaze.