Waiting For You Online – Chapter 95 – Pretend That I’ve Said Nothing
He Jin’s head almost exploded after what Fire told him, what he had been anticipating finally came…
In fact, since the birth of their baby in the game, He Jin obviously felt the change of their relationship. It has been extended from the game to the reality, and from online love to offline affection. Also, they started to give each other company at night, they started caring about each other during difficult situations. There was even money involved…indeed, they’d crossed the boundaries. And He Jin was enjoying it. He adored Fire, but he still dared not develop such a relationship in reality, and that’s why he’s been pretending to not see anything. He enjoyed taking the warmth from Fire selfishly.
He Jin knew clearly that there would be a drastic change to this relationship one day. And things would start going out of control. But he didn’t expect such a change to come so soon.
“Am I making things difficult for you?” Seeing that He Jin hasn’t replied for so long, Fire finally asked.
He Jin looked at him and he couldn’t act as calmly as before, “we…didn’t we say before…that game is game…” he uttered these words with much difficulties. And he almost had to squeeze these words out, as he was not saying what he really meant. He also wanted to develop this relationship with Fire, and he wanted to know this person more. If he did, he wouldn’t have to be affected mentally by a certain person with the same voice…
“Sorry, if it’s in the reality, then I can’t do it.” But the words that were said sounded so determined and rational.
“Why?” Fire frowned and he couldn’t hide his sadness and disappointment.
He sounded a bit desperate, “because you’re straight? You’re heterosexual?”
He Jin didn’t answer to that question, but he used a pleading tone to ask, “just in the game…can’t we?”
Fire said with his depressed face, “what if I say I cannot?”
He Jin was stunned and he looked at Fire, scared.
Fire, “Hua University, right? How many boys are there in your school that are called He Jin? I remember that you’re one year higher than me, are you in year 3 then? It should be easy to find you. If I insist, then how can you…”
“Don’t!” He Jin interrupted him in a panic, “if you do this, I won’t talk to you anymore. And I will quit the game!”
Fire breathed heavily, he was so angry that his face went pale. He never expected He Jin to use this “I will quit the game” strategy to threaten him. He thought to himself – if He Jin knew that he’s Qin Yang, then will he stop talking to himself?
He Jin seemed to realize that his words were a little hurtful. Finally, he explained, “Fire, listen to me. In fact, from the moment that you said that you like me, I started to be very confused. What made you like me? You said that you’ve waited for me for eight years, and I was surprised to hear that. It also made me feel guilty. That’s why I wanted to compensate you in the game, and play with you…but even eight years ago, we were not that closed either. Sometimes I think, that you don’t know me that much, and I don’t know you that much either. In reality, I’m just an ordinary person, maybe you’re one too. But the Internet has made it possible for us to imagine each other as a virtual figure. Therefore, your admiration to me might as well be a sort of stubbornness only…”
Fire found it funny to listen to the explanation of He Jin, and he asked, “so, do you think that the ‘Ah Jin’ that I like isn’t you, but the ‘you’ that I’ve imagined myself?”
He Jin nodded lightly. This is one of the reasons why he refused Fire. It was also one of the most important reasons. For him, Fire’s feelings for him were too surreal, and it made He Jin become reluctant to face his emotions directly.
Qin Yang smiled bitterly. If he had heard these words before seeing He Jin in person, he might find it impossible to refute. He admitted that the past eight years of waiting have become a stubbornness. However, after seeing He Jin in real person, and after having fallen in love with him for real, it was for sure now that Qin Yang couldn’t live without He Jin.
Fire, “if you think that I don’t you know well enough, then we can get to know each other more.”
He Jin shook his head and summoned his courage, “no, Fire. This fantasy is good enough. I have the same fantasy to you now, and I don’t want to break it.”
After all, He Jin still couldn’t ignore the sense of inferiority that stemmed from the bottom of his heart. Although he had already realized his sexual orientation, in the past two decades, He Jin’s concept of love still stayed between men and women. As a male, when being perceived by another man as a “lover”, he still feared even though that person was handsome and had a great personality.
He feared that in reality, he would disappoint Fire, or that Fire would disappoint him.
He Jin refused Qin Yang very simply, making Qin Yang feel like being trapped inside a wall, he couldn’t advance nor retreat. He just didn’t know what to do.
Last time, He Jin used “I’m not gay” as a reason to push him away, this time he used another one. After all, He Jin always has a reason. But Qin Yang couldn’t let go, “you still remember during the Chinese New Year, when you told me that you don’t mind what my gender is? And that you wouldn’t mind even if I’m ugly? Did you mean what you said?”
He Jin was stunned and he lowered his eyes, “yes. But if it’s just a game, as long as we get along, no one cares even if his partner looks like a dog. However, in reality, I’d be lying if I tell you that I wouldn’t mind.”
He’d rather let everything stay in the game. He Jin was selfishly thinking, that it’d be better to keep this beautiful relationship in the virtual reality, rather than making each other disappointed. At least, they don’t have to be responsible to each other in the game.
Fire had nothing more to say. He nodded and said coldly, “okay, I’m not forcing you anymore. Just pretend that I’ve said nothing.”
He Jin saw the depressed look of Fire, and his heart felt bitter too.
After a stalemate for a long while, he said, “Fire…look, we contact each other in reality too. We are already friends…”
Fire did not respond, then He Jin lowered his head and said again, “we often say good night to each other now. I never thought we would become like this…”
There was still no reply from the opposite side. He Jin dared not look up, “all of a sudden, you talked about the reality. It kind of scared me.”
He blushed, held his fist and trembled, “can we…can we take it slowly?” This should give Fire some hope?
It’s really hard to develop their relationship in reality. He had nothing now. He just had a big fight with his parents, he had to study and work, he had no idea about his future, if he had to endure more pressure from a homosexual relationship, He Jin was sure that he would break down…
Surrounded by silence, He Jin looked up in panic, and he saw that the opposite party had appeared as “offline” for some time.
He Jin, “…”
After the ambush in the air, and after Fire suddenly got offline, other teammates were not in the mood to play anymore. Twig Fence sent a message to He Jin and asked where he was, and whether he still wanted to PK. He Jin refused and told Twig Fence that he’d continue some other day.
Dead Water and the other teammates also saw the “offline” status of Fire. After sending a message to He Jin for confirmation, they got offline one by one.
He Jin looked at the disappearance of Fire, and he stood in the resurrection point for a long time, but he didn’t see Fire’s name flash again. Then, Dumpling appeared next to him and was flying quietly behind him. Maybe he has been there since he started to talk with Fire, but he was behaving well and hadn’t interrupted them.
He Jin waved his hands and let Dumpling fly close to him. He held Dumpling close, who made these soft “Ji Ji” sounds, and waved his wings.
“Little fool…” He Jin touched his wings, and they felt fluffy, “is Daddy a coward?”
Dumpling turned his head, and made another “Ji” sound, as if he’s saying, “yes.”
He Jin smiled, but his smile looked uglier than crying…
It was later than midnight. There was an announcement from the system, reminding everyone that it’s the 14th February, the Valentine’s Day.
He Jin flew to the game mall with Dumpling and picked 9 roses.
He couldn’t afford to buy 999 roses, but 9 is just the same as 999, they both mean “long”, it’s a way to express one’s love toward the other person.
He Jin chose the express service from the florist, and the person who would receive the 9 roses was Fire. When Fire got online again, he would receive the gift.
Fire, I’m sorry.
After getting offline, He Jin quickly went to check his bracelet. There were no unread messages. Fire didn’t send him anything, not even “goodnight”.
He Jin was hesitating whether he should send a “Happy Valentine’s Day” wish to Fire. But then he thought, he had already hurt Fire by rejecting him, he would be the worst person to send such a message…
Fire isn’t happy.