Episode 22

I Tried to Practice Talking to Women, but It Turned Out to Be a Common Occurrence

I was in the castle town of the Royal Capital of the First Kingdom. It may look like I’m alone, but I’m actually accompanied by the invisible Suzuna beside me.

I have one goal. To get used to talking with women.

No, I could talk to Suzuna normally, but in her case, there was no particular problem in having a conversation with her since we had many common interests, such as magic.

However, my knowledge and topics are not the kinds of topics that would attract the interest of ordinary women in the world. I learned this at a previous marriage activity party.

A princess likes roses, so I cultivated wild roses in the mountain basket and kept the fruits, so how to exterminate the pests of the roses and fertilizer to get more fruits. So I went on and on about how to get rid of rose pests and how to apply fertilizer to produce more roses. She was laughing outwardly but yawning inwardly.

I knew this because I could read her mind with my mind-reading magic, but that didn’t mean that I could offer them topics that would make them happy. No, as soon as I started talking about pests and diseases, she seemed to be disgusted with me, so I rushed to talk about fertilizers, but this time she seemed really bored and secretly wondered if I could finish soon. But since I didn’t know anything else about roses, I had no choice but to keep talking about it, even while knowing that the other person was yawning to death.

As the Pope’s illegitimate daughter thought, I am not well educated. However, even if I were merely educated, that alone would not be enough to please a woman. It is necessary to talk to a woman in a way that will please her. And I am hopelessly lacking experience in that area.

So, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to actually talk to women, while appreciating literature, paintings, music, and plays in order to acquire culture.

Suzuna agreed to do this, as it had been recommended by her, but she had one thing to say. She told me not to use mind-reading magic. She said that reading minds with mind-reading magic would not be a good way to train my speaking skills, and she was probably right.

So I used magic to duplicate the mason’s clothes and tools, adjusted the size of the clothes to fit my body, put them on, and went out into the city with some money. At that time, I asked Suzuna to accompany me. I wanted her to watch my words and actions and give me advice later. Suzuna readily agreed to do so, but at the same time, she disappeared and came with me, saying, “If I, a woman, am beside you, it will interfere with your conversations with other women.”

The most common place to have a conversation with a woman would be a bar. It’s not uncommon for men to stop by a bar after work to see the waitresses. I don’t need to eat or drink, but that doesn’t mean I can’t eat and drink. I just don’t eat or drink because it’s pointless and a waste of time. Since I’m going out to a bar posing as a commoner, I must try to eat at least some snacks.

So I went into a bar I found near the center of the city. It was a large building with a lot of people coming and going.

When I opened the door and entered, I found a spacious room with a number of round tables and many customers sitting on the chairs surrounding them. In one corner of the room, there was a tall, narrow table, and a man who looked like the owner was standing across the table from the customers, pouring sake into their cups.

I took a seat at a vacant table in the corner and immediately beckoned one of the serving girls to come over and ask her.

“Give me some barley wine. And what do you have for snacks?”

“Barley wine, yes, sir. For snacks, we have fried sweet potatoes, stuffed pork intestines, and pickled cucumber.”

“I’ll have a plate each of fried potatoes and pickled cucumbers.”

“Very well, sir. One moment, please.”

Well, first of all, the conversation was successful. However, if you can’t carry on an everyday conversation like this, you’re probably seriously ill. The problem is where to go from here.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

The girl who had just served me brought a large cup of barley liquor and a plate of fried potatoes and pickled cucumber. When she had placed them on the table, I asked her about them while handing her a copper coin as a tip.

“I’m sorry, but you can keep it. By the way, what is your name?”

“It’s Marie. Where are you from?”

“Mm? Oh, well, you know, I live in the northeast, around the border mountains, but I move around a lot with my masonry work, so I don’t get home much.”

I was suddenly at a loss for words because all I had in mind was a stonemason, but I managed to cover it up.

“Oh, I see. So, you have a way of speaking that is not often heard around here. A little old-fashioned…”

Mmm. My speech is basically based on the vocabulary of 380 years ago, so it sounds a bit old-fashioned now. You could also say that it is more formal. This way of speaking is not unusual for royalty and aristocrats.

“Oh, yeah, well, what do you know, I sometimes take on work from royalty and aristocrats.……

When I falsely stated that, Marie looked at me and asked.

“Huh? Even though you are young, you work for royalty and aristocrats, isn’t that amazing?

“Oh, um…”

It’s good that the conversation is progressing, but it’s not too good. The more I try to cover it up, the more I am going to be misunderstood. I’m not lying, though.

However, I was thinking of practicing a little conversation here since they were so receptive when I was interrupted.

“Oh, man, don’t you dare hit on Marie!”

A large young man stepped in between me and Marie. His face was not bad, and his clothes were standard for townspeople, but he was neat and tidy and did not look like a pauper. He seemed to be a little rough around the edges, but he was probably just a young man from a typical town.

“Cliche, Cliche!”

Suzuna, who was invisible, whispered something that only I could hear, but I don’t understand what it means.

“You wait. I’m not hitting on Marie…”

“Shut up and leave Marie alone!”

I tried to explain the situation to the young man, but he was already very drunk and suddenly attacked me!

“George, stop!”

However, there was no way that a drunk man’s fist could get through to me. I was suddenly attacked by the young man called George but Marie was unfazed.

Now I’m in trouble. If I used magic, it would be easy to deal with him, but that would expose me as a magician. On the other hand, I don’t have any experience in hand-to-hand combat. How do I get rid of this drunk? Oh, that’s right, let’s try the magical body enhancement that Suzuna used the other day.

“Settle down.”

Saying thus, I grabbed George’s wrist as he was about to hit me, and seize him with my enhanced arm strength.

Bokiri.

“Aaaaah! Aah!”

“Hmm?　No!”

I panicked. From the way it felt, I might have broken his bones. I let go of his hand and George rolled around on the floor, holding his wrist.

“Oh, my God! George, are you okay?”

Marie is running up to Georges. Mmm, this looks like…

“Hey, Demon King, you went too far!”

Suzuna, who appeared as she said this, quickly took George’s wrist in her hand and cast a healing spell.

“Oh, and you are? You?”

“I am a Hero from another world. I’ve just cast a healing spell. You’ve been healed.”

“Otherworldly Hero and”

Marie was astonished when Suzuna introduced herself. Well, it’s not surprising.

“So, this one here,? Oh.”

“Yes. He’s the Great Demon King who rules the world.”

When Marie heard this, she turned pale and got down on her knees, and apologized flatly.

“I’m sorry. He’s a drunk, please spare George’s life.”

“I’m sorry, please forgive me! I’m sorry!”

After hearing this, George, who seemed to have finally grasped the situation, sobered up at once and apologized in the same way.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I made a mistake too. I’m sorry to George. Don’t worry, I won’t blame you for something like this.”

When I said this, both Marie and George looked relieved.

“By the way, are you in a relationship?”

“Oh, yes. Next year, George will officially become a journeyman instead of an apprentice, and I promised to marry him then.”

Marie answered my question.

“Is that so? I don’t like the idea of you suddenly punching me in the face without listening to me, but I can understand your feelings if that is the case. George, if you learn from this, try to listen to others more calmly.”

“Yes, yes. It’s in my bones.”

I admonished him, and George seemed to understand.

“Mmm, you should be happy. I’m sorry to have disturbed you, but I need the bill.”

In this situation, it would be impossible to continue the conversation in this bar, so I decided to pay the bill and leave. When I paid the bill, Marie asked me.

“…Um, what’s the Great Demon King doing in a bar like this?”

I can’t say it was to practice talking to women, but what should I say?

“Oh, the Great Demon King wanted to know what was going on with his servants, so he came here secretly to inspect. I used magic to become invisible and came along as an escort.”

“I see.”

I was at a loss for an answer, but Suzuna answered for me. It’s not a secret inspection. Well, if you include love affairs, it’s not really a lie, is it?

“So don’t tell anyone about this.”

“Yes, yes.”

Suzuna told Marie to keep her mouth shut, but there would probably be rumors.

When I left the bar, I didn’t feel like going to any other stores anymore, so I instantly teleported to the Demon King’s Castle with Suzuna.

“It was a mistake. Strengthening the body with magic is such an increase in power.”

“That’s right. If you just use it right away, you won’t be able to control it, so you have to try it out before you use it. Well, I can’t speak for others because I did it on my own.”

Suzuna replied to my exclamation. Then I remembered that I hadn’t thanked Suzuna yet.

“Thank you for today. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have been killed. Thank you.”

“You are so good-natured that you get in trouble because of it. Well, that’s why I’m going out with you.”

Hmm? There was a word in Suzuna’s statement that caught my attention.

“Do you want to go out?”

As soon as I repeated the words, Suzuna shouted in panic.

“Hey, that’s not what I meant! That’s not what I meant!”

Hearing this, I replied in a bit of a panic as well.

“No, it’s not! Don’t misunderstand me! There was one more thing I thought about after today’s failure. When I tried to have a conversation with a woman, I didn’t know how to proceed. So I wanted to find out what kind of conversations men and women in relationships have in general.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I’m going to do the ‘secret inspection’ you said about again. This time, I would like to hide and see how a man and woman dating talk to each other.”

“Hee…”

Suzuna’s face became blatantly disgusted.

“Mmm, you don’t like it?”

“Yeah, well, I’m not too keen on it, that’s for sure. And, you know.…”

She cut off her words there, and then said, staring at me.

“That’s peeping.”