Volume 1: Chapter 2 – The Case of Lady Listia

A loud, crashing sound erupted outside the room. Trouble again tonight, it seems.

—Good grief, who is it this time?

Is it Chloris, who draws men in by making them sympathetic to her tear-jerking stories? Or is it Asphy, who looks so hauntingly younger than her actual age that “righteous” horny bastards frequently decide to protest the shop?

To those horny bastards who do everything they came to do and then complain, “How could you let such a young girl work here?”—if you’d said that before finishing your business, I’d offer a polite explanation.

I mean, you’re the one who picked the girl who looks that way.

Seriously, I’ll never understand the logic of a man in “Sage Mode.”

“Manager, I am so sorry! Lord Rajulis, the S-Rank adventurer, and Lord Luzaf, the eldest son of Duke Louvrance, are starting a duel!”

A staff member burst into the office without knocking, their face pale. No wonder—mine probably looks the same.

—Why on earth are such big shots getting into a duel!

If Rajulis the “Dragonslayer” and Luzaf the “Sage’s Top Disciple” actually go at it, not just this shop, but this entire district will be blown away.

Wait, those two are…

“They are Lady Listia’s clients.”

…Just like Laura before, she’s another of our Top Three.

Ugh, did that wicked woman do it again? No, it’s just that things end up that way; Listia isn’t actually wicked.

Probably. Surely. Most likely.

—I hope.

At any rate, she is a fragile-looking, beautiful woman with black hair and black eyes. From my perspective, she’s like the ideal Japanese woman given form. She’s not needlessly large, but she’s curvy in all the right places, and above all, her skin is hauntingly fine and supple. Many customers get hooked on her dark, constantly moist-looking eyes and her lustrous black hair—traits rarely seen in these parts.

She herself innocently rejoices with me, saying, “We’re twins!” since we share those traits, but I’d appreciate it if she stopped; the glares from her regulars are painful.

Some idiots even mistake me for Listia’s family. A manager and a prostitute from the same family? That’s some dark karma for one household.

—Like hell that’s the case.

Well, since black hair and eyes are a rarity in this world, I suppose it can’t be helped.

Still, this kind of uproar surrounding Listia happens like clockwork. Listia herself simply gives her absolute all for the one night to the guest who bought her time, but the men get worked up on their own. They convince themselves that every other guest is a villain who treats her like an object and makes her suffer.

Why do men always convince themselves that they are the exception? Well, I suppose women are the same in that regard.

But for a “Dragonslayer” and the “Sage’s Top Disciple” to lose it like this… does Listia emit some kind of brainwashing radio waves? Though right now, she’s probably just hovering between the two of them, looking worried.

The fact that there’s zero malice involved makes it even more troublesome.

“Fine, I’m going. The first-floor hall?”

Leaving the pale-faced staff member behind, I rushed toward the hall. In terms of combat power, I’m useless against those two, but depending on how I use it, my Unique Magic can pack quite a punch. Still, stopping a spat between two monsters like that is bad for the heart; I wouldn’t do it if my job didn’t require it.

Give me a break, seriously.

Sure enough, in the first-floor hall, Lord Rajulis had already drawn his “Dragonslaying Magic Sword” while Lord Luzaf had deployed a massive layered magic circle behind him. They were glaring at each other with murderous intent.

The light in their eyes was the real deal. No one could even get close.

Give it a rest, boys. Are you planning to subjugate the enemy of the world right now? Oh, I guess to each of you, the other is the enemy of the world.

—Drunk on love, it doesn’t matter if you’re a hero or a genius; you’re all just fools.

“Ah… Manager. I’m sorry. It’s surely my fault again. Please don’t be angry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Noticing me descending the stairs with a grim expression, Listia began to apologize, her beautiful obsidian eyes brimming with tears. That fragile expression and the tone of someone apologizing from the depths of her soul carried enough destructive power to make any biological male unconditionally say, “I forgive you!”

Wait, no! Are you ignoring the two guys radiating bloodlust on your left and right?!

This is no joke. Now it looks like Listia is deathly afraid of me, which makes it seem like I mistreat her on a daily basis.

Stop it. No, please stop.

The two monsters who were just glaring at each other like sworn enemies are now turning stares on me that could kill by themselves.

Right on cue, a single transparent tear traced a line down her obsidian eyes. The fact that this isn’t calculated is what makes women terrifying.

Ah, damn it. Checkmate. Their hostility is definitely aimed at me now.

“Manager! I apologize for the commotion, but could you stop making my beloved cry? I don’t care if you’re the manager; I’ll cut you down.”

“Now, now, Manager. I shall apologize for the scuffle with this barbarian later. But please refrain from frightening my dear lady… my magic might just go out of control, you see?”

What was that?

You cause a scene and then have the gall to say that, you bastards?

No, endure it, me.

These two are among our highest-ranking regulars. And since they sit at an unreachable peak of combat power, I have to be patient and follow my professional duties.

“My deepest apologies, Lord Rajulis, Lord Luzaf. As you know, our Listia is a kind-hearted soul. Combined with the murderous atmosphere you two are projecting, my appearing with such a grim face must have pushed her over the edge. If you truly worry for Listia, would you both mind putting away your sword and staff first?”

She’s scared because you two are projecting murderous intent!

Get a clue. To Listia, I’m just a convenient health-management tool; she’s not going to cry from being scolded by me.

Anyway, Listia usually only takes one guest per night, and like Laura, she doesn’t use her own room, but she’s supposed to spend the night with her guest in our finest suite.

Come to think of it, why did these two have overlapping reservations?

The person in charge of bookings better have an explanation that satisfies me.

“If the little mage-boy backs off, I’ll sheathe this ‘Dragonslaying Magic Sword’ anytime. Tonight is the night I spend with my dear Listia.”

“If the barbarian who acts like a hero just for killing an oversized lizard backs off, I’ll dispel my magic circle instantly. Tonight is the night Listia and I discuss our dreams.”

Wow, I’m getting seriously irritated.

Do these guys forget they’re just buying a woman with money? If you’re going that far, why don’t you try to get Listia to say yes to a ransom and marry you? You can’t even get her to do anything but smile at you with a troubled face.

“I understand your positions perfectly. However, this shop sells dreams to everyone. Who was it that originally held the reservation for Lady Listia today?”

I have to follow the principles and side with whoever booked first. Even if there was a misunderstanding or a mistake on our part, we go with whoever physically booked first.

Sensing the meaning behind my words, a staff member whispered into my ear.

“Today’s reservation was for Viscount Quazas, but he had an unavoidable matter at the palace and had to cancel with tears in his eyes. Somehow these two found out, and almost simultaneously, Lord Rajulis and Lord Luzaf showed up saying, ‘If she’s free tonight, then I’ll take her’…”

These love-struck fools. You found out the original booker was Viscount Quazas—someone you can easily push around—and you pressured him until he couldn’t come, didn’t you?

Seeing me receive the info from the staff, both of them averted their eyes.

That’s the last straw.

“Listen here, ‘Guests.’ By our rules, if a girl gets a cancellation, she’s free for the day. If Lady Listia had invited you herself, that’d be one thing, but you two just barged in and started a duel? Eh?”

The “Dragonslayer” and the “Sage’s Top Disciple” looked stunned by my sudden change in attitude. I know this isn’t how you treat guests, but by our rules, you two aren’t guests tonight.

To the two idiots going “Wh-what?!” and “Ugh…”, I activated my Unique Magic.

You idiots who think you can do whatever you want just because of your strength and status—taste Reason Number 2 why this shop has stayed number one for so many years.

Reflexively, the two tried to block my magic with the “Dragonslaying Magic Sword” and a massive magic defense barrier.

It’s useless. This isn’t an attack spell; it doesn’t belong to any category you know. A magic sword or an absolute defense barrier won’t stop it.

—Because it’s just a spell for health management.

Both of them looked bewildered when nothing particular happened after being hit. It’s not a spell that deals damage, after all.

“Now, listen carefully to every word you say next. Depending on my mood, you two might find yourselves unable to get an erection for the rest of your lives.”

This is the other reason Papilio Somnium remains number one. My Unique Magic, which handles general health management, also allows for the control of male functions.

Thanks to this magic, everyone from royalty to great merchants—and, though I can’t say it loudly, even the Holy Pope of a massive religion—is a client of my side business. To young punks who are always healthy by default, it might not mean much, but for the “grandpas,” it’s a vital issue that determines whether they are a “man” or a “former man.”

If I use that magic in reverse, I can turn the “manhood” of those who are naturally healthy into nothing more than an organ for excretion. This is why any man who learns of my Unique Magic doesn’t—and can’t—oppose me unless something extreme happens.

Actually, that’s not strictly true, but I threaten people hit by this magic that if I die, they’ll never get an erection again. To those hit by it, my life is worth as much as their own manhood. It’s a bit unpleasant, but there’s nothing more effective for self-preservation.

The “Dragonslayer” and the “Sage’s Top Disciple,” who were high enough in status to have heard rumors of my magic, froze at my words.

Well, yeah. If you’re barely twenty and told you’ll be useless for the rest of your life, you’d freeze too.

I could even do the opposite if you want. If you want to be erect forever, I can do that too. You’d never be able to stand on a battlefield properly again, though.

This is a matter where status, fame, and combat ability mean nothing. Whether you can functionally remain a man is already in my hands.

If you hate that, follow my rules in my shop.

Still, perhaps their pride as the “Dragonslayer” and “Sage’s Top Disciple” compelled them; they both tried to say something.

At that moment, the shop’s front door swung open violently, and two figures rushed in.

“I heard the news and came running—you total moron! I told you that you could pick a fight with the Royal Palace, but never cause a scene at Papilio Somnium!!!”

One was the Guildmaster of the Adventurer’s Guild, the “Godslayer” Old Man Garzam.

He rushed in and immediately punched out the “Dragonslayer”—who was going “Wh-what?!”—with his bare hands, knocking him unconscious. He then grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, dragged him over to me, and apologized.

“Manager, I’m sorry for my idiot. I’ll make it up to you properly later, so please let it slide. This old man’s bald head isn’t worth much, but here I am.”

He bowed deeply before me.

The other person who rushed in was the Commander of the Royal Magic Army and a Royal Marshal, the “Great Mage” and “Sage” known by many titles—Master Raifal. Lord Luzaf is called the “Sage’s Top Disciple” because everyone knows Master Raifal is training him as his successor.

He didn’t give his disciple a single second to speak; he used his signature lightning magic to knock him out and tossed the “Top Disciple’s” twitching body before me.

“Lord Manager, I heard my foolish disciple trampled upon your rules. I raised him with high hopes, but his life alone cannot atone for this. I offer this wrinkled head in apology; please, find it in your heart to settle this.”

He then knelt and bowed his head next to the twitching disciple.

Both being old foxes, they knew exactly how to make me back down.

“Raise your heads, both of you. Those aren’t heads that should be lowered so easily to a mere brothel manager. If you take them away, the shop has no intention of mentioning this further. However, I ask that you discipline them strictly.”

“I’m disgraced. I owe you one, Manager.”

“I thank you for your generous treatment, Manager. Come to me if you ever face trouble.”

With those answers, two of the most important figures in the country bowed deeply, dragged their respective disciples away, and left through the door.

In the end, I guess they both really do care about their favorite disciples. I can’t look down on masters who are soft on their students, as I remember being saved that way myself.

Well, it was a cheap price to pay, considering I got two of the most powerful men on the Terra-Vick continent to explicitly state they owe me a debt.

This kind of thing is vital for protecting the shop.

Besides, those two are also regulars and clients of my side business. Perhaps due to their age, they show no interest in our Top Three; one favors the oldest lady in the shop, while the other favors our youngest rookie.

I won’t say which is which. Even at that age—or rather, because of that age—they are terrified of becoming “useless.”

Of course, that side business connection is part of it, but the main reason they came flying in a panic is that they feared this commotion reaching the ears of our Owner through me.

I don’t think the Owner would snap over something like this, but if they did, both the “Dragonslayer” and the “Sage’s Top Disciple” would be—to put it mildly—finished. They probably wouldn’t be killed, but they’d never be able to stand on a battlefield again.

The two masters were apparently in a party with our Owner in their younger days, and they fear nothing more than the Owner’s wrath.

Seriously, who is our Owner?

“Um… Manager… are you… angry?”

Listia, her eyes red from crying, looked up at me apologetically, tugging on my left sleeve. I wasn’t angry to begin with, but when someone does that, no matter how wrong they are or how angry you were, you’d find yourself responding with a big smile, saying, “I’m not angry.”

Well, this time Listia wasn’t at fault at all.

“I’m not angry, I’m not angry. This was entirely Lord Rajulis and Lord Luzaf going off the rails. You didn’t do anything wrong, Listia. Besides, thanks to this, I’ve got a major favor owed to me by two big shots.”

“—A job well done?”

She smiled at my words and clung to my left arm happily.

“Well, yeah. I guess we can call it your ‘job well done.’”

“Will you give me… a reward?”

She closed her eyes and puckered her lips slightly.

She really loves kissing, doesn’t she? I’ve never actually done it, but she begs for it every chance she gets.

“Dummy, that would mean I’m the one getting a reward.”

I flicked her beautiful forehead with my finger, as usual.

“Hmph.”

“Here. I’ll have someone deliver your favorite food to your room later. Since you’ve got a rare day off, just relax. You slept during the day, so it might be hard to fall asleep, though.”

To the Listia pouting like a child, I cast my magic. While doing so, I promised to deliver a “reward” to her room later.

“Will you bring it yourself, Manager?”

“I’m busy. I’ll have someone else do it.”

“Ehh… what a letdown.”

Seriously, she doesn’t look like a night-woman that two big shots would fight over. I guess that’s why she’s so popular.

Women are terrifying; they can literally switch between a prostitute and a young girl in an instant.

They’re too much for a dull guy like me to handle.

Well, thanks to that, there probably won’t be any more trouble tonight. It’s still early, but after such big names caused a scene, there aren’t many idiots who’d be stupid enough to try something.

Tonight looks like it’ll be peaceful.

End of 3