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The Taming of the Yandere

 

Chapter 15: Food and Gossiping Women

 

Confucius once said: “Only women and small-minded men are hard to deal with. They become pleasant if you get closer to, and bitter if you keep a distance from.”

 

If he were to say that in current modern society, he’ll probably be shunned by the public.

 

But, if a girl from your school were to suddenly come and live under the same roof, you’ll know what the ancient philosopher really meant.

 

The relationship between men and women is like how Confucius was with a small-minded person. When you become too close to her, she turns rash and reckless; when you move too far, she’ll think that you don’t care about her, and gets angry.

 

Despite the summer heat, I can’t run around the house in my underwear anymore. For this girl, I have to dress smart every day, and treat every matter with seriousness.

 

I also feared awkward accidents involving the bathroom and shower.

 

To the special case that is Jiang Muqing, I also have to set passwords on my computer and lock the door while sleeping. These two points were vital to my survival.

 

Although my computer didn’t have porn, all of my light novel drafts were stored inside it.

 

The first volume, I imitated an author, and started writing a similar plot and setup.

 

My style was bland and murky. The dialogue I wrote might as well be text messages. If fans of the original story were to see my misshapen adaptation, they’ll probably beat me to death.

 

The second volume was a jumble of cliché fantasy and mystery.

 

My first chapter debuted 30 major characters. I felt like a genius, and wrote tens and thousands of words for their descriptions.

 

The third volume, was a complete mess of harem.

 

The main character flirts and gets laid with an average of one girl per chapter. If he’s lucky, he gets it with sisters. In one arc, I wrote about him banging three triplets all at once. * Once I used every single personality I could think of, and every single name in the original novel, I moved on.

 

*Translator Note: Can I claw my eyes out thanks

 

The fourth volume was a string of tragedies.

 

I felt that male leads shouldn’t live purely for harem. The novel shouldn’t entirely be girls revolving around a guy. There needs to be some conflict, some tear-jerking moments.

 

Get laid, enter harem, die for male lead. Another one gets laid too, enters the harem, and dies for male lead…. Finally, even I couldn’t remember the number of women who died. Their gravestones piled up in my mind like an anthill.

 

In the fifth and current volume, I’ve decided to get rid of the sickly, poisonous tumor that was the harem, and start writing romance between men. It was going to be very fast-paced, and full of twists.

 

….

 

I didn’t know how Jiang Muqing would react if she saw these atrocities. How could such a dull nerd like me, have such a foul, infernal soul?

 

As for the door lock, I wasn’t worried about Jiang Muqing taking anything. But I was afraid of waking up at night and seeing her holding a knife over my head.

 

Ever since that day, I’ve been having nightmares of getting stabbed by the unstable girl. If I were to wake up, and find her by my bedside, I’d probably die of shock.

 

I didn’t fret over my mother, though. She didn’t have any ties to Jiang Muqing, and wasn’t in any sort of danger.

 

…..

 

Under Jiang Muqing’s incredulous stare, I entered the kitchen by myself, and cooked a classic worker’s dinner of four dishes and a soup.

 

Sweet and sour ribs, braised ribbonfish, scrambled eggs with bitter melon, spicy sour potato silk, winter melon rice soup, and three bowls of rice.

 

“Fan, you’re really generous today! I wonder if it’s because of Qing?”

 

My mother commented as she walked in the dining room.

 

Jiang Muqing still looked extremely surprised. She stared at the dishes with widened eyes, and then looked at me, who was nonchalantly passing out utensils.

 

“We have a guest today, don’t we? I can’t be rude to my classmate!”

 

I replied with a strong tone.

 

My mother ate noisily, and occasionally pinched some food into Jiang Muqing’s bowl. But the girl held her chopsticks and didn’t move a muscle, staring at the plentiful table.

 

“What’s wrong? Are Fan’s dishes not to your liking?”

 

My mother inquired.

 

“No, it’s just that I can’t really believe this. I haven’t eaten dinner with my family for a long time.”

 

Her rims grew red again, and she seemed to remember some troubled memories.

 

But Jiang Muqing sniffled, and smiled again. She pinched the food in her bowl, and took a bite.

 

“It’s good, it tastes so homely!” She praised.

 

….

 

“I’m telling you, when Fan was little, he was just like his father. He was incredibly stubborn. But ever since that thing happened, I feel like he’s changed. I can’t describe it.”

 

As my mother chattered on, she started talking about me.

 

“Mom, leave me some form of dignity, please!” I protested.

 

“Come here, Qing. You’ll sleep with me tonight. Auntie will tell you all about Fan’s little secrets.” My mother didn’t pay me the slightest attention, and pulled the girl to her bedroom.

 

From Jiang Muqing’s expression, she was obviously very excited, but most of the time, she silently listened to my mother’s rambles.

 

The two were like long-lost mother and daughter, and I felt like an outsider. They treated me like thin air, and I didn’t have anywhere to join the conversation.

 

Mom, even though Jiang Muqing is cute, you’re going over the top! Don’t forget, today’s only the first time you two have met!

 

You forced your own son to sleep by himself at three years old, and now you’re cuddling with a high-school girl? This is totally unfair!

 

I felt a twinge of jealousy. This really was a surprising turn of events…

 

But, y’know, this isn’t that much of a big deal. If she wants to be Jiang Muqing’s godmother, I couldn’t care less.

 

I predicted the following week in my head.

 

First, Jiang Muqing will rest at my house for a few days. With my mother at her side all day, she might even take a new look towards life.

 

I never thought that the one who saved her life would be me, and the one who saves her mind would be my mother. I should have just left everything to her in the beginning. Ever since Jiang Muqing met her, she’s been happy and cheerful.

 

Soon, she’ll go home, and start school regularly. I’ll also be studying the hardest I could, and our fates will never cross again.

 

Maybe, just maybe, she’ll say thank you to me one day.

 

The malicious shoujo I saw that day, may have just been a result of pent-up depression and illness.

 

It was even kind of worth it. She finally pulled apart the knot in her heart through that crazy unleashing of emotions. She’ll be healthier than before.

 

I locked my door, climbed up my bed, turned off the lamp, and pulled up my covers. I slept peacefully for the first time in weeks.

 


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2 Comments

  1. Cimblaises Autor
    December 31, 2017 @ 2:01 am

    “In the fifth and current volume, I’ve decided to get rid of the sickly, poisonous tumor that was the harem, and start writing romance between men”. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! LOL THANKS

  2. Cimblaises Autor
    December 31, 2017 @ 2:01 am

    “In the fifth and current volume, I’ve decided to get rid of the sickly, poisonous tumor that was the harem, and start writing romance between men”. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! LOL THANKS