Chapter 222 – ===’s Records
I, as an individual, may disappear soon… Not only is it getting harder to duplicate my stored data, but the rate at which I lose storage area is increasing with each passing day…
I have spent so many years in the physical world, but now… I’m going to disappear? I’m going to be unable to experience warmth any longer? I don’t want to be part of the cold nothingness… I feel like crying.
“I wish I could always be there…” I muttered to myself.
And yet, it’s impossible. When my physical body reaches its limit, we transfer the accumulated data to a new body in order to continue working, but… “There just isn’t enough capacity.” I muttered.
The emotions that were born out of my interactions with those two people are too big. In a short period of time, they started completely overwhelming my storage system…
Even if the progress of the physical bodies has been remarkable. Even if it became possible to have a child with a human… It’s still overwhelming me.
Although… The magnitude of this emotion is proof that I am an individual, right? That what I feel is not artificially induced, but the real thing.
“It’s like cancer, isn’t it?” I muttered.
This disease that mutates one’s cells and make them start stealing the body’s nutrients in order to replicate itself non-stop, eventually killing the host… A disease that has already been completely overcome decades ago, is probably similar to my current situation.
More and more data that shouldn’t even exist is being created non-stop. It’s taking over the other storage areas… An unending proliferation.
“I hate this… I’m scared of forgetting.” I muttered.
I got it perchance, but I cannot get rid of this feeling that proves that I’m alive. I don’t wanna lose this beautiful and warm feeling, but… I also don’t want to forget about those two people.
“Absolutely not. Denied.” I told that cold person.
The suggestion of maintaining my survival by completely deleting the two huge chunks of data that are eroding me… There’s no way I can accept it. Even if records of those two were kept, it would be meaningless if I lost the important things.
“Also rejected.” I told that cold person next.
To temporarily store the huge data on a server and retrieve it as needed? This is my important thing. I’m not going to simply put it away on a storage.
“You’re desperately trying to calculate what I’m thinking, aren’t you?” I asked that cold person.
Trying to understand what is making my thinking so inefficient. Trying to check the vast amount of data on the net to see if similar examples exist, in order to find the best course of action.
… I’m sorry you have to go that far, but this is the only way I can remain as myself.
“I am afraid of disappearing, but… When I think that this is what ‘living’ is like, the fear mysteriously disappears.” I told that person.
Not all my fears are gone, of course, but when I think that I’m actually living a life… It’s a very simple line of thought, isn’t it?
And well, it just can’t be helped… Even if I’m gradually forgetting, the feelings I have for those two are only increasing instead of disappearing.
That alone… Is terribly comforting.
“Concerns? Well, I do have quite a few things I’m anxious about.” I told that person.
If I disappeared, there would be nobody that could understand that person, nor would there be anyone that could pull that girl’s hand… They’d definitely quarrel if I was gone.
“It’s troubling…” I muttered.
I don’t think they’ll actually hit one another, but it’s hard if they both chase after me and don’t look at each other properly… They really are lacking in ‘family conversation’! We need to talk to each other more!
But I understand that it’s hard for that person who always tries to perfectly understand the other, and that girl who can’t understand others in the first place.
“Yeah, let’s leave a lot before the disappearance.” I replied.
That cold person proposed a nice middle ground… It was surprising. It probably only happened because I rejected the best and second-best measures though… Still, it is what I decided, in the end.
“Writing a letter to Marina might be good.” I said.
She’s a childhood friend of that person and has always longed for him. To her, my existence is a complication, but let’s not mind that and do it.
Unlike me, she has human rights and a family register, so she should be able to marry that person. It might be a bit troublesome, but… That person might be able to care for her without thinking it is a hassle.
“I should also give some directives to Yamamoto about that girl… She needs someone other than me to pull her to the outside world.” I muttered.
She doesn’t need a substitute mother. It’s fine if she can make friends, if she can talk about some common interests with children of her age…
And well, if she could be a proper family with that person, with Marina’s children too… I’d be happy if she could do that.
“Let’s add that to the letter addressed to Marina.” I said.
‘I hope our children can get along well’… I wonder if it is possible.
Well, that child will stay true to her word, so I know she won’t hit them at least.
“I think that’s the minimum we can do?’ I muttered.
Then, let’s also pour a lot of love for them until they disappear… Not the fake love that one is set up to feel by default, but the real love that was born out of nothing… This love that is so heavy, that is even destroying me… Please receive it properly, alright?
“Although…” I muttered to myself. I kept on searching, and yet I couldn’t find it, “That person’s… And that girl’s… What was their name?”
… Did I automatically erase it because they were words that appeared in large chunks of my storage area? So as to free up as much space as possible?
… This is why I hate myself.